Imagine your friend shares they have OCD, and you want to help but accidentally say something hurtful. It’s tough to know the right words, especially when what not to say to someone with OCD can make a big difference.
OCD, or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, isn’t just about being “neat” or “organized.” It’s a mental health condition with intrusive thoughts and repetitive behaviors that can feel overwhelming.
Saying the wrong thing, even with good intentions, might make someone feel misunderstood or judged. This blog post will guide you through phrases to avoid, why they hurt, and better ways to show support.
By learning what not to say, you can be a true ally to someone with OCD.
“Just Stop Doing That, It’s Not a Big Deal”
Telling someone with OCD to “just stop” their compulsions ignores how hard it is to control them. OCD thoughts feel urgent, like a fire alarm in their brain. Dismissing their struggle can make them feel weak or silly.
Scenario: Your coworker keeps checking their desk lock. You say, “Just stop, it’s fine!” They feel embarrassed and hide their struggle.
Instead, try: “I see this is tough for you. Want to talk about it?” This shows you care without judging.
“Everyone’s a Little OCD Sometimes”
This phrase minimizes OCD by comparing it to normal habits. OCD isn’t about liking things tidy; it’s a medical condition with intense anxiety. Saying this can make someone feel their pain isn’t valid.
Scenario: At a party, someone says, “I’m so OCD about my kitchen!” Your friend with OCD feels their diagnosis is a joke.
Instead, say: “I like things organized, but I know OCD is different. How can I support you?” This respects their experience.
“Why Can’t You Just Relax?”
OCD isn’t about being “uptight.” The anxiety from intrusive thoughts can feel like a constant battle. Asking someone to “relax” suggests they’re choosing to feel this way, which isn’t true.
Scenario: Your sibling repeats a ritual, and you say, “Just relax already!” They feel frustrated and alone.
Instead, offer: “It looks like you’re feeling stressed. I’m here if you need me.” This validates their feelings and offers support.
“You Don’t Look Like You Have OCD”
OCD doesn’t have a “look.” It’s a mental health condition, not a visible trait. This comment can make someone feel their struggle isn’t real because they don’t fit a stereotype.
Scenario: A friend shares their diagnosis, and you say, “But you seem so normal!” They doubt if they should open up again.
Instead, respond: “Thanks for sharing. I’d love to learn more about what you’re going through.” This encourages trust and understanding.
“Have You Tried Not Thinking About It?”
Suggesting someone can just “not think” about OCD thoughts is like telling them to ignore a loud siren. These thoughts are involuntary and distressing, and this phrase can feel dismissive.
Scenario: Your partner mentions an intrusive thought, and you say, “Just don’t think about it.” They feel you don’t get it.
Instead, try: “That sounds really hard. Do you want to share more?” This shows empathy and invites connection.
“You’re Overreacting, It’s Not That Serious”
OCD symptoms can seem “small” to others, like washing hands often, but they’re driven by intense fear. Calling it an overreaction ignores the real distress someone feels.
Scenario: Your classmate checks their homework repeatedly. You say, “You’re overreacting!” They feel ashamed and stop sharing.
Instead, say: “I can see this is important to you. How can I help?” This builds trust and shows you care.
Final Thoughts
Knowing what not to say to someone with OCD is a powerful way to support loved ones. Avoiding dismissive or judgmental phrases helps create a safe space where they feel heard.
Instead of assuming you understand OCD, listen and show empathy. Small changes in your words can make a big impact, helping someone with OCD feel supported rather than judged.
