Losing a mom is one of the hardest things anyone can go through. The pain feels overwhelming, and as a friend, you might wonder what to say to someone who lost their mom to offer comfort.
Words can feel small compared to such a big loss, but they can mean the world when chosen with care. You want to show you’re there, but it’s easy to worry about saying the wrong thing.
This guide will help you find kind, thoughtful words to support someone grieving. We’ll share practical tips, real-life examples, and phrases to avoid, so you can be a source of comfort during their tough time.
Acknowledge Their Loss with Sincerity
Why it matters: Recognizing someone’s pain shows you care. A simple, heartfelt acknowledgment can make them feel seen.
Scenario: Your coworker, Sarah, recently lost her mom. She’s quiet at work, and you want to say something supportive.
What to say: “Sarah, I’m so sorry about your mom. I’m here if you want to talk or just sit together.” This shows empathy without pushing.
What not to say: “She’s in a better place now.” This might feel dismissive to someone who’s hurting.
Be genuine and keep it short. Let them guide the conversation. If they open up, listen more than you speak. Your presence matters as much as your words.
Offer Specific Help
Why it matters: Grief can make daily tasks feel impossible. Offering specific help shows you’re ready to step in.
Scenario: Your neighbor, Tom, is grieving his mom’s passing. He’s struggling to manage chores and meals.
What to say: “Tom, can I bring you dinner this week or help with grocery shopping? Just let me know what works.” This gives clear options.
What not to say: “Let me know if you need anything.” This is vague and puts the burden on them to ask.
Follow through on your offer. If you promise a meal, deliver it. Small acts like mowing their lawn or dropping off coffee can lift a huge weight during grief.
Share a Memory (If Appropriate)
Why it matters: Sharing a positive memory of their mom can bring comfort and keep her spirit alive.
Scenario: Your friend, Lisa, lost her mom, who was known for her amazing holiday cookies.
What to say: “Lisa, I’ll never forget your mom’s cookie recipe. Those holiday treats were so special. Want to bake them together sometime?” This honors her mom and invites connection.
What not to say: “I know exactly how you feel.” Everyone’s grief is unique, and this can feel minimizing.
Only share memories if you knew their mom well. If not, focus on listening or asking gentle questions like, “What was your mom like?”
Be There for the Long Haul
Why it matters: Grief doesn’t end after the funeral. Checking in weeks or months later shows lasting support.
Scenario: It’s been three months since your friend, Mark, lost his mom. He seems okay but misses her deeply.
What to say: “Hey Mark, I was thinking of you and your mom today. Want to grab coffee and catch up?” This shows you haven’t forgotten.
What not to say: “You must be feeling better by now.” Grief has no timeline, and this can feel rushed.
Set a reminder to reach out on tough days, like their mom’s birthday or holidays. A simple text or call can mean a lot.
Avoid Clichés and Platitudes
Why it matters: Common phrases can sound hollow or even hurtful, even if you mean well.
Scenario: Your cousin, Emily, is grieving her mom and feeling overwhelmed by people’s comments.
What to say: “Emily, I can’t imagine how hard this is. I’m here to listen whenever you need me.” This is honest and open.
What not to say: “Everything happens for a reason.” This can feel like it invalidates their pain.
Stick to words that feel real. If you’re unsure, just admit it: “I don’t know what to say, but I care about you.” Honesty is always better than a cliché.
Listen More Than You Speak
Why it matters: Sometimes, the best support is just being there and listening actively. It lets them share on their terms.
Scenario: Your classmate, Jake, lost his mom and seems hesitant to talk but clearly needs someone.
What to say: “Jake, I’m here if you want to share anything about your mom or just talk about something else.” This gives them control.
What not to say: “You should talk about it to feel better.” Forcing them to open up can push them away.
Nod, make eye contact, and avoid interrupting. If they don’t want to talk, sit in silence or suggest a distraction like watching a movie together.
Final Thoughts
Knowing what to say to someone who lost their mom can feel daunting, but your effort to show up matters. Focus on being sincere, offering specific help, and listening with care.
Avoid clichés and check in over time to show you’re there for the long haul. Grief is personal, so let them lead the way.
Your kind words and actions can be a light in their darkness, helping them feel loved and supported as they navigate their loss.
