Hearing that someone has miscarried is heartbreaking. You might feel unsure or scared of saying the wrong thing. But saying something kind and thoughtful can bring comfort during a painful time. If you’re wondering what to say when someone miscarries, you’re not alone.
Many people struggle to find the right words. Silence feels cold, but certain comments can hurt more than help. In this guide, you’ll learn what to say when someone miscarries—and just as importantly, what not to say. Your words can be a lifeline, a warm reminder that they’re not alone in their grief.
Whether it’s a friend, co-worker, or family member, this guide will help you speak with empathy, love, and support.
💬 Start with Simple, Caring Words
When in doubt, simple is best. Words like:
- “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
- “I’m here for you if you need anything.”
- “I can’t imagine the pain, but I care deeply.”
These phrases acknowledge the loss without trying to fix it. Grieving parents don’t need answers. They need validation and presence.
Real-life example:
When Emma told her friend she had miscarried, her friend just hugged her and said, “I’m heartbroken for you. I’m here.” Emma later said it was the kindest response.
Avoid saying:
- “At least it happened early.”
- “You can always try again.”
These sound dismissive. Focus on support, not solutions.
🧏♀️ Listen More Than You Speak
One of the most powerful things you can offer is your quiet presence. People grieving often need space to share, cry, or sit in silence.
What to say:
- “I’m here to listen whenever you want.”
- “Would you like to talk about it or just sit together?”
Use case:
A co-worker loses her pregnancy and returns to work. Instead of avoiding her, gently say, “If you ever want to talk or take a walk, I’m here.” That opens the door for connection, without pressure.
Avoid pushing for details or offering advice unless asked.
❌ What Not to Say When Someone Miscarries
Even with good intentions, the wrong words can sting. Avoid phrases that minimize, explain away, or spiritualize the loss.
Don’t say:
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “It’s part of God’s plan.”
- “At least you know you can get pregnant.”
Why it hurts:
These phrases suggest the pain is less valid or that they should already feel better. Instead, acknowledge their grief.
Better option:
- “This is so unfair, and I’m just so sorry.”
Sometimes, just being present is more healing than words.
🎁 Offer Gentle Support in Practical Ways
Grief is exhausting. Simple acts of care can mean the world.
Ideas:
- Bring over a meal.
- Offer to help with errands or childcare.
- Send a thoughtful card or note.
What to say:
- “Can I drop off dinner this week?”
- “Would you like company, or should I check in later?”
Real-life example:
After her miscarriage, Sarah’s neighbor left soup and a handwritten note on her porch. It meant everything to her.
Avoid saying: “Let me know if you need anything.” Instead, offer specific help.
🕯️ Respect Their Way of Grieving
Everyone grieves differently. Some may want to talk, others may stay quiet. Respect their needs and follow their lead.
What to say:
- “Do you want to talk about it, or would you rather not?”
- “I’m here in whatever way feels right for you.”
Tip:
Check in again weeks later. The world moves on, but grief lingers.
Avoid pressuring them to “move on” or “stay positive.” Grief has no timeline.
Final Thoughts
Knowing what to say when someone miscarries is hard, but being there matters more than being perfect. Speak with kindness, patience, and respect. Simple, loving words can bring light into their darkest moments. Let your presence be the comfort they didn’t know they needed.
