When a loved one faces surgery, it’s natural to feel unsure about what to say to someone having surgery. You want to offer comfort, but finding the right words can be tough. Surgery, whether minor or major, brings anxiety and uncertainty, and your words can make a big difference.
A kind, supportive message can lift their spirits and show you care. In this guide, we’ll share practical tips and examples to help you offer encouragement.
From avoiding awkward phrases to knowing when to listen, we’ve got you covered with heartfelt ways to show support during this challenging time.
Offer Encouragement and Positivity
Surgery can feel scary, so positive words help ease fears. Focus on uplifting messages that show confidence in their strength and the medical team. For example, if your friend is having knee surgery, you might say, “You’re so strong, and I know you’ll be back to hiking in no time!” This boosts their morale. Avoid saying things like, “I hope it goes okay,” which sounds uncertain. Instead, try, “The doctors are amazing, and you’re in great hands.” In a real-life scenario, Sarah cheered up her brother before his heart surgery by saying, “You’ve got this, and I’ll be here every step of the way!” Keep it short, sincere, and hopeful.
Show You’re There for Them
Letting someone know you’re there for support is key. Offer specific ways you can help, like driving them to appointments or bringing meals. For instance, if your coworker is having gallbladder surgery, say, “I can drop off dinner next week—just let me know what you like!” Don’t say, “Let me know if you need anything,” as it’s vague and puts pressure on them. In a real case, Mike helped his neighbor by saying, “I’ll mow your lawn while you recover.” This small gesture showed care without being pushy. Being specific makes your support feel genuine and actionable.
Acknowledge Their Feelings
It’s important to validate their emotions without adding stress. Surgery often brings fear or frustration, so let them know it’s okay to feel this way. For example, if your mom is nervous about her hip replacement, say, “It’s totally normal to feel scared, but you’re so brave for doing this.” Avoid dismissive phrases like, “Don’t worry, it’s no big deal,” which can feel uncaring. In one case, Lisa comforted her friend before a biopsy by saying, “I can’t imagine how you’re feeling, but I’m here to listen.” This opened the door for her friend to share worries, creating a deeper connection.
Share a Thoughtful Prayer or Wish
If it fits their beliefs, a prayer or kind wish can be comforting. Ask if they’re open to it first. For example, before your uncle’s back surgery, you might say, “Can I pray for your quick recovery?” If they agree, try, “I’m praying for your strength and peace during surgery.” Don’t assume everyone wants this—saying, “God will fix everything,” might not resonate with non-religious folks. In a real story, Emma asked her colleague if she could send positive vibes before her surgery, then said, “I’m wishing you all the strength for a smooth procedure.” This respectful approach warmed her colleague’s heart.
Respect Their Space and Timing
Sometimes, people need quiet or privacy before surgery. Check in gently without overwhelming them. A text like, “Thinking of you before your surgery—let me know when you’re up for a chat,” works well. Don’t bombard them with calls or say, “Why haven’t you replied?” which adds pressure. For example, when Tom’s sister was preparing for brain surgery, he sent a short message: “I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.” She appreciated the space and reached out later. Timing matters—check if they want visitors or prefer messages, especially right before or after the procedure.
Avoid Negative or Scary Stories
Steer clear of negative stories about surgery, as they can increase anxiety. Don’t say, “My cousin’s surgery went wrong,” even if you mean to relate. Instead, focus on hope, like, “I’ve heard such great things about your surgeon!” In a real case, Jenny upset her friend by sharing a story about a failed procedure before her tonsillectomy. A better approach was when she later said, “You’re going to feel so much better after this!” Keep conversations light and avoid medical advice unless asked. Your goal is to calm, not cause worry.
Final Thoughts
Knowing what to say to someone having surgery is about showing care and empathy. Whether you offer encouragement, practical help, or just listen, your words can bring comfort during a tough time.
Avoid negative stories or vague offers, and focus on positivity and support tailored to their needs. By being thoughtful, you can make them feel loved and less alone.
Next time someone you know faces surgery, use these tips to share words that uplift and inspire. You’ve got the power to make a difference with just a few kind sentences.
