Losing a pregnancy is a heartbreaking experience that leaves many feeling alone and unsure how to cope.If someone you care about has had a miscarriage, you might feel nervous about saying the wrong thing or not knowing what to say to someone who had a miscarriage.
Words matter, and your support can make a big difference during this tough time. This guide is here to help you find kind, thoughtful things to say that show you care.
We’ll share practical tips, real-life examples, and phrases to avoid, so you can offer comfort with confidence. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or coworker, your words can help them feel seen and supported.
Why Words Matter After a Miscarriage
A miscarriage can feel isolating, and the wrong words can accidentally hurt. Saying something kind shows you’re there for them. Choose words that validate their feelings instead of trying to fix the pain. For example, a coworker might share their loss, and you freeze, unsure what to say. Instead of staying silent, a simple acknowledgment can help.
Example to Say: “I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m here if you need me.”
Don’t Say: “You can always try again.” (This can feel dismissive.)
In a real scenario, Sarah’s friend Jane had a miscarriage. Sarah said, “I can’t imagine how hard this is. Want to talk?” This opened the door for Jane to share without pressure.
Acknowledge Their Loss with Care
Recognizing the miscarriage as a real loss is key. Many parents feel their grief isn’t seen because the baby wasn’t born. Acknowledging their pain shows you understand it’s a big deal. For instance, if your sister shares her miscarriage, a gentle response can make her feel less alone.
Example to Say: “Your baby was so loved. I’m here for you.”
Don’t Say: “It wasn’t meant to be.” (This can feel like blaming fate.)
Imagine your neighbor, Lisa, tearfully tells you about her miscarriage. You could say, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. How can I support you?” This invites her to share her needs, whether it’s a listening ear or help with errands.
Offer Support Without Pushing
Sometimes, people need space, but knowing you’re there helps. Offer specific help instead of vague promises, like “Let me know if you need anything.” If your friend is grieving, suggest small ways to lighten their load, like bringing a meal or watching their kids.
Example to Say: “Can I drop off dinner this week? I’d love to help.”
Don’t Say: “Everything happens for a reason.” (This can feel empty.)
For example, when Mark’s cousin had a miscarriage, he texted, “I’m thinking of you. Can I mow your lawn this weekend?” This showed he cared without forcing a conversation she wasn’t ready for.
Listen More Than You Speak
Grieving parents often need someone to listen, not give advice. Active listening means letting them share without jumping in to solve things. If your best friend opens up about her miscarriage, resist the urge to fill the silence with clichés.
Example to Say: “I’m here to listen whenever you want to talk.”
Don’t Say: “At least it happened early.” (This minimizes their grief.)
Picture your friend Emma crying about her loss. You might say, “I’m here for you. Tell me how you’re feeling when you’re ready.” By staying quiet and nodding, you show you’re fully present, which can be more comforting than words.
Respect Their Unique Grief
Every person grieves differently. Some want to talk, while others need time alone. Respect their process by following their lead. If your coworker seems distant after a miscarriage, don’t push them to open up, but let them know you care.
Example to Say: “I’m thinking of you and here whenever you’re ready.”
Don’t Say: “You should be over via
Example Scenario: Your coworker Tom seems quiet after his wife’s miscarriage. You could say, “I’m so sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need, and I’m here.” This respects his space while showing support.
Avoid Common Mistakes
It’s easy to say something hurtful by mistake. Avoid clichés or comparisons that downplay the loss. Phrases like “It was for the best” or “You’re young, you’ll have another” can feel like a punch. Instead, focus on their feelings and needs.
Example to Say: “This must be so hard. I’m here for you.”
Don’t Say: “You’re strong, you’ll get through this.” (This can feel like pressure to move on.)
When Anna’s sister had a miscarriage, Anna avoided saying, “You can try again soon.” Instead, she said, “I’m so sorry. Want me to come over and just sit with you?” This kept the focus on her sister’s pain.
Final Thoughts
Supporting someone after a miscarriage is about showing you care with kind, thoughtful words. Knowing what to say to someone who had a miscarriage can feel tricky, but simple, heartfelt phrases can go a long way.
Acknowledge their loss, listen without judgment, and offer help that fits their needs. Avoid clichés that might hurt, and let them grieve in their own way.
Your support can help them feel less alone during a painful time. By choosing your words carefully, you show love and care when they need it most.
